If your spouse has had an affair, this can destroy a marriage. If this is the first time this has happened, you may want to consider working on your marriage to keep it going. Both of you have to be willing to do this, however. If so, the following tips should help you get started.

See a Marriage Counselor

The first thing you should do is to see a marriage counselor. They can look at your marriage from the outside, and having a different point of view may shed some light into what is wrong. The counselor will be a mediator between you and your spouse. They will make sure both of you can talk about how you are feeling without being interrupted.

The marriage counselor may give you some exercises to do at home. For example, they may ask you to sit down and talk quietly every day for a certain amount of time. They may ask each of you to write some things down on paper about what you like and dislike about the other person.

You should walk away from the marriage counseling with a much deeper understanding of how your spouse is feeling to get to the root cause of their betrayal.

Share the Responsibility

Your spouse may say you are partly to blame for their unfaithfulness, but the fact is they must own up to their guilt. After all, no one forced them to cheat on you. You still have to consider your own role in fostering the affair. For example, you may have alienated your spouse, withdrawn sex from them, or simply not seemed to be happy at all. This may push them towards someone that can make them feel better about themselves.

Ask your spouse why they think they strayed and you may be surprised at what they tell you. Talk everything out so you can determine what changes you need to make to keep this from happening again. For example, you may need to take extra time to spend with your spouse and show them that you care.

End the Affair

This may seem obvious, but you need to make sure your spouse has severed all contact with the other person. They may think texting or emailing them is not considered cheating. Let them know you will not stand for any contact at all. If they do not agree to this, then your marriage will likely not last.

You and your spouse will have to work hard to keep your marriage going, and it will take time for you to be able to trust them again.